Freud. For a while I just thought he was good for a bunch of oral fixation and penis envy jokes—but I stumbled upon this gem of a quote from the mommy-blamer when I was writing You Only Die Once, and now he’s back in my provisional good books: “This attitude of ours towards death has...

‘Tis the “get lucky” season… so how lucky would you say you are? A) “I’m permalucky—four leaf clovers are everywhere I look! I whirl them in my smoothies! I use them as toilet paper!” (So, you’re a lucky ass?) B) “I eat Lucky Charms for breakfast sometimes, so I guess that makes me kinda average...

Hey, so surely you’ve heard—unless you’ve been living under a rock—about the asteroid approaching our planet? The possibly perilous one? On December 22, 2032? Yes, that one. We might be living under a 2.2e+8 kg (i.e., size XXL) rock with you by the time that day’s done! (Nothing like a little asteroid-annihilation joke to break...

This article has your name written all over it if you find yourself in one of these camps: A) You’re feeling a little bedraggled in the life department. You’ve lost that lively feeling (one might say your life is on life support?) and now find yourself bored, humdrum, and spiritless, just going through the motions...

Are you “acting your age”? Please realize that you cannot win at this question if you’re over the age of 25 and you answered “yes.” Acting your age might be a euphemism for “waiting to die,” and I know we’re not getting off on the right foot here, you and me, but I challenge you...

Hey there, sexy! Look at you over there, you slowly rotting corpse. You are absolutely fabulous and also absolutely dying, my friend. Slowly—but surely. It’s the only thing we can be sure of, that we’re all going to POOF! be gone one day. In light of this supremely dispiriting notion (THANKS FOR THE MONDAY BUZZKILL, JODI),...

I’m being hard on myself (not a new thing!) in the midst of my dad’s illness (a new thing!) and I’ve had enough of myself. That makes sense, right? I’m being hard on myself for being hard on myself. Nod with me, please. What’s the opposite of self-compassion… self-flagellation? Maybe I should start a chapter...

Now that all that dry January nonsense is over, I can start talking about wine again without offending you. (If you abstained in January, I am over here raising a glass to you.) (If you abstain all year long, then I am cheers-ing you even more heartily.) What’s the relationship between adversity and a good...

Every now and then I write something people like . Some people liked my book! YOU READ IT AND LOVED THE CRAP OUT OF IT, RIGHT? Some weeks I write a blog post and tumbleweed blows across our backyard here in Palm Springs (I know it’s the desert and all but tumbleweed isn’t indigenous to...

My dad had a fall (at 87, you have to call it “a fall”; for some reason you can’t just say, “my dad fell,” which is what one does when they’re under 80). Having “a fall” seems like a shitty rite of passage in your eighth decade. He’s been hospitalized and in rehab (the “get...

Look at you over there, all ambitious out of the “New Year New You” gates! You’ve got that hungry-to-crush-your-goals look in your eyes and if we’re being honest, your enthusiasm is a little daunting, Tiger. But go go go! Ride that motivational new year wave! And then brace for disappointment ranging from niggling to soul-pulverizing....

I turned 49 yesterday (FedEx is running behind, what with the holidays and all, so your gift is probably on today’s truck… yay!) and I’ve proactively decided this will be the most astonishingly alive year I’ve been around so far. Most people celebrate the smithereens out of 50, but not over here. I’m getting a...