My dad had a fall (at 87, you have to call it “a fall”; for some reason you can’t just say, “my dad fell,” which is what one does when they’re under 80). Having “a fall” seems like a shitty rite of passage in your eighth decade. He’s been hospitalized and in rehab (the “get...

Look at you over there, all ambitious out of the “New Year New You” gates! You’ve got that hungry-to-crush-your-goals look in your eyes and if we’re being honest, your enthusiasm is a little daunting, Tiger. But go go go! Ride that motivational new year wave! And then brace for disappointment ranging from niggling to soul-pulverizing....

I turned 49 yesterday (FedEx is running behind, what with the holidays and all, so your gift is probably on today’s truck… yay!) and I’ve proactively decided this will be the most astonishingly alive year I’ve been around so far. Most people celebrate the smithereens out of 50, but not over here. I’m getting a...

Congratulations for not dying in 2024! 61.3 million people weren’t so lucky and ended up ... ending. So you won the Life Lottery last year, and I hope you raise(d) a glass of something at New Year's Eve to celebrate Still Being Alive. But wait—we can do better than that, right? Better than “Still Being...

You know the expression, “There are no dress rehearsals in life”? Yeah, that appears to be true. We’re all improvising on this proverbial stage of life, trying hard to say “yes, and!!” (with extra exclamation points) when we really mean “NO, BUT” (in desparate caps). It’s disconcerting to be living life LIVE (like SNL but...

Now's your chance to give the gift of death ... gifts your loved ones will never forget (or remember, if they die sooner than later). Oh, yes you did come to the right place for holiday cheer. Pour some (heavily) spiked nog, sip, and get shopping, Little Elf! You have the opportunity to wake your...

My mom had her first heart attack when she was 42 (let’s not even talk about how she DROVE 45 MINUTES BY HERSELF TO THE HOSPITAL—denial is the number one symptom of a heart attack, kids), and the year I turned that age was somewhat unsettling. I kicked the year off with great intentions to...

When was the last time you had an epiphany—a moment of sudden and profound understanding, accompanied by a high-wattage lightbulb “ah-ha” moment (or at a least a flickering of the lamp in the corner)? Those of us interested in self-development tend to clamor for epiphanies. We’re willing to pay for them handsomely in time and...

Ready for a “Here’s Yet Another Way You’ve Been Taking Your Life for Granted” hypothetical situation to ponder? Sure you are, Sport! Here goes: You just found out you need to leave your town, exactly one month from today. Let’s pretend this imaginary exodus has more to do with something invigorating (like being transferred to...

When I’m in the old age asylum (i.e., a senior living home/ memory care facility), I assume I’ll want to remember the lovely life I led. Dementia will surely distort my memories (OMG my memories are already dodgy at 48), so I’ll want something I can hold in my sun-spotted hands—a tangible repository of my...

I’m choosing to assume this quote by Rudy Francisco gives you the same flutter in your stomach that it does for me: “The human heart beats approximately 4,000 times per hour and each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words ‘you are still alive.’ You are still alive. Act like...

There’s an implication that comes up when I lovingly brainwash encourage people to LIVE before they die, and it’s not super subtle. This “mortality as a motivator” message is usually interpreted as a cracking whip to AGGRESSIVELY LIVE LIFE (YES IN ALL CAPS)—to make the most of our limited time in a balls-to-the-wall, breathless, YOLO-t-shirt-wearing...