Hey there, sexy! Look at you over there, you slowly rotting corpse.

You are absolutely fabulous and also absolutely dying, my friend. Slowly—but surely.

It’s the only thing we can be sure of, that we’re all going to POOF! be gone one day. In light of this supremely dispiriting notion (THANKS FOR THE MONDAY BUZZKILL, JODI), maybe we could use this factoid/ reminder to our advantage?

When we tune into life’s finitude we tend to take it seriously. Or less seriously, if that’s what’s necessary. Whether the reminder of our temporariness snaps us to attention or motivates us to chill out, the point is that reflecting on our pending demise offers a primo way to stop taking things for granted in our lives: our plans and ambitions, our relationships, our pets, our cognition, our bodies, our very aliveness. We need the whisper (and sometimes the bellow), as Virgil once said, that “death twitches my ear. ‘Live,’ he says, ‘I’m coming’.” Heartwarming!

So look at you over there, reading this right now.

You are quite vitally alive (unless you’re in hospice right now, in which case we salute you for a life well-lived).

You will never be younger than you are at this moment. (Oh shit: that moment just passed. You just aged by an entire moment and now—wait—you’re even older now than you were when you started reading this paragraph. By the time you’re done this article you might be dead? A bit wrinklier, at the very least. Again: BUZZKILL [with a purpose].)

No, I did not wrap a scarf made of flesh-colored crepe paper around my neck. It’s my neck skin.

When I remind you that you’re aging, please know I have zilcho against aging. I love getting older and I’m not even really caring anymore about how my neck looks all crepey (every fine line and droopy waddle of neck skin is evidence of a lesson learned, a fun time had, a year of life… like rings in a tree trunk… that and sun damage and dehydration and a dearth of collagen and elastin in my body, I guess).

If you’ve been delaying a dream… can I ask what you’ve been waiting for? You aren’t getting any younger and you might want to get going on all that dream weaving, Rusty. Write that book… start the business/ sell the business… apply for that degree program… plan that North Pole trip… produce the film… adopt the kid… apply for the promotion.

If you’ve been wanting to run a 5K/ do the splits/ pole dance/ take a biking tour in Tuscany/ walk the Camino de Santiago/ take your grandkid to Disney and remain standing at the end of that godforsaken day, it’s not likely to be any easier on your body if you wait another year or two. Arthritis is a thing, apparently? (Just to bolster my argument here I consulted Google Scholar—the smart part of the internet—and learned that in “extreme cases, osteoarthritis progresses rapidly to complete the destruction of the cartilage within a few months.” IMAGINE WANTING TO TAKE TANGO LESSONS AND PUTTING IT OFF AND PUTTING IT OFF AND THEN IN LIKE THREE MONTHS YOU CAN’T MOVE YOUR KNEE, LET ALONE DO A FANCY TANGO KICK MOVE. This hurts my heart so much for you that I can barely stand it.) (Ha! Get it? I can’t stand… arthrit—yeah.) Register for the intro to rock climbing program… try the Pilates calss… take that neighborhood garden walking tour… go do a physical thing today before you become disabled/ a quadriplegic (because car accidents do happen)/ an amputee (because diabetes happens)/ incapacitated in any way. Or even just a bit limpy.

If you’ve been waiting to look or feel a certain way before wearing your Special Going Out Outfit, you’ve gotta cut that crap out. You aren’t getting any younger, and while yes, you might be working on fitting back into said outfit, how about getting one that fits you today and wearing the heck out of it? How about donating the one that no longer fits you (yes, the one that scorns you from its hanger in your closet) and getting on with your beautiful life? How about wearing the “good stuff” now, like the fancy shoes or cufflinks or jewelry… go get your hair done (I dare you to get a fancy “up do”!)… get a makeover… wear the nice underwear (unless it’s lacy and scratchy in which case we are too old for that nonsense)… live in such a way so you won’t be able to look back on yourself 10 years from now and think, “wow, I coulda/ shoulda/ woulda lived it up a decade ago while I was still hot stuff.”

Am I implying that your best years are behind you? Oh goodness, that would be super depressing… but it’s also a distinct possibility. Your best physical ability years *might* be in the rearview mirror. Your sharpest cognitive years *might* be down the toilet. But you can still decide to engage in life in a more walloping way, starting at any age. I guess it would just be a shame if you started participating with more passion when your glaucoma was like, “no, we won’t be mountain biking after all, Hon” or your short-term memory was forgetting to click into action when you finally decided to start the Learn to Speak Mandarin class. (今天的生活, okay?)

You’ve got one go (as far as we know), and today is all you’ve got. Waiting to pursue a goal or dream probably won’t make your life better. You’re as fresh as you’ll ever be, right here, right now, in this moment… let’s get living before you start rotting, you little corpse-in-the-making, you!