Life! Sometimes it’s an indefatigable hoot… what with its curve balls and ups n’ downs and strokes of bad luck and “resilience testers” and all sorts of other passive-aggressive ways to assert that LIFE CAN BE A CACOPHONY OF UNRELENTING CALAMITY—sometimes of the three-ring-circus kind, and others of the all-hell-broken-loose sort.

When Life Feels Like a Blender with No Lid But it’s what we signed up for when we asked to be born—this medley of highs and lows—isn’t it? (I apologize for my snarkiness. Causticity is how I cope.)

Thankfully I’ve assembled 10 ways to mitigate the misery sometimes associated with being alive. Maybe one of these will do the trick for you when life has gone off its rocker?

Cancel something joylessly obligatory… and don’t replace it.
Comedian John Mulaney says that “cancelling plans is like heroin” (and as a recovering addict he speaks on good authority). Just because your calendar says yes doesn’t mean your soul agrees. Reclaim that time and fill it with whatever you damned well please. (I’m thinking delivery dinner and a great 80s movie.)
Wear your best outfit on an exceedingly average day.
Sequins on a Tuesday? That’s a yes. Treat your grocery run like a runway… as a silent protest against saving joy for “special occasions.” There’s a dapper elderly gentleman I often see at Ralphs here in Palm Springs, decked out in his finest white suit (circa 1974) with shiny white shoes and I love him and his sprit and his white belt so much. I shall wear my fancy white suit next time my day has gone to seed and I need both groceries and a mental boost.
Do something unproductive with great enthusiasm.
Watch a sunset like you’re being paid to. Make art that’s gloriously bad. Go to a middle-of-the-day matinee. Stretch every muscle in your body as though you’ve never felt them before. Take a nap out of spite for the whole hustle culture thing. Commit to being fiercely present and see if it makes your craptastic day any better.
Declare an arbitrary holiday.
Pajamas & Pancakes Day. Candlelight Dinner for One Night. Day Drinking Wednesday. Traditions are just made-up fun—we are limited only by our imagination and willingness to do something unusual.
Make a comfort drawer.
Fill it with cozy socks, a favorite snack, a love note (even if it’s from you to you), a tiny book, lavender spray, a handle of vodka. Emergency joy kit: assembled.
Switch your lighting to “romantic cabin in the woods” mode.
Lamps, twinkle lights, candle glow… banish the overhead interrogation bulb and invite a softer way to illuminate your misery. (You know how everyone looks better in candlelight? Problems look better in flattering lighting, too.)
Make a to-done list.
Forget your goals for today, Little Miss Go-Getter. Write down things you already accomplished: “Woke up alive.” “Actually toasted a Pop Tart instead of eating it out of the package.” “Kept my camera on during 75% of the morning meeting.” “Ordered the cat food.” You’re killing it out there.
Have something to look forward to.
Rig your calendar so you have something worth anticipating within the next week, month, and year. I’m jazzed up (yes I did just say jazzed up and you can’t stop me) for lunch with Julie next week, an overnight staycation at The Thompson Palm Springs this month, and a sommelier course this year. The things we have to look forward to don’t have to break the bank; cheap and cheerful wins the week/ month/ year.
Schedule mystery time.
Block off 20 minutes with no planned activity—except to do whatever feels oddly appealing in that moment. Chase novelty, not productivity. Your brain loves surprise (and I love hearing about the zany things you do, so please share your weird/ serendipitous/ off-the-beaten-path ideas with me).
Stop being a hermit.
(Every mental health professional is so miffed I saved this one for last.) Oodles of studies make it clear that leaning on other people during tough times is like a magic wand for well-being. Sure, you can use a friend to vent about your litany of woes. Yes, you can choose a friend who’s also struggling (misery sure does love company) to feel better about your lot in life. But it’s mostly about getting out of your own head, which can be a festering place to reside when you’re stressed/ bummed/ needing all the Klonopin in the medicine cabinet.

As they say, when life is bananas, you make banana coconut cream pie (that’s an actual recipe from a baking blog I used to write in a previous life. Make it tonight and life will feel better, because even though most therapists disagree, you can eat your feelings). (That was irresponsible: I take that back.) (👈😏)

The good news is that we have ways to cope when life puts us through the wringer. Pick one (or three!) of the tricks n’ tips above and notice how your mood improves. Celebrating Pajamas & Pancakes Day won’t fix your depression/ anxiety/ crazy week at work/ grief journey (or will it 🤔?), but even an incremental lift can make the difference between a day that’s in the dead zone and a day that shows shimmery signs of life. We only get 4,000 Mondays. Let’s make them shimmer, even in the slightest, wee-est ways.