One of the early researchers in the field of positive psychology, Chris Peterson, was asked to sum up positive psychology (the scientific study of what makes life worth living) in two words or less. What do you think his answer was?

A) “Housebroken pets.”
B) “Red wine.”
C) “Other people.”

I know, I know. It should be A + B, but he said C. Other people. (*Here is the pause we’ll take for us introverts to roll our eyes.*) (Can we all agree that other people are made better with the addition of the aforementioned red wine?)

Peterson later elaborated: “Other people matter, and there may be no happy hermits.”

Consider the energy gained by being around humans you like or find interesting (so, not the Debbie Downers and energy vampires who need to be ix-nayed from your life). . . . That’s what we’re after: positive energy from others.

Leading researchers have concluded that good relationships with others may be the single most important source of life satisfaction and emotional well-being, across different ages and cultures. One study’s findings were staggering: people with social relationships realize a 50 percent increase in odds of survival (compared to people without buddies, across the study period). (This study aggregated data from 148 independent studies, looking at three hundred thousand people who were followed around for an average of 7.5 years; the evidence is a tad empirically rigorous.)

Relationships at work

Researchers connect the dots between interpersonal connections at work and vitality. Cultivating “high-quality connections” on the job— relationships that revolve around mutual positive regard, active engagement, and trust—energizes us worker bees and generates the enthusiasm to take action on whatever the mighty mission is at hand.

One leader I work with has created a “coffee chat” culture, not just because he loves cappuccinos but because he sees the ROI (return on investment) after team members get to know one another over informal thirty-minute conversations. It’s hard to hold a grudge against Mindy in marketing for dropping the ball on your project when you’ve seen pictures of her kids playing T-ball. Seventy-nine percent of employed people with high vitality overwhelmingly “feel connected with people” at work, compared with just 12 percent of low-vitality workers.

Shedding friends as we age?

By middle age, we typically have about five close friends, and that number slowly decreases as we age. As adults we spend less than 10 percent of our time with friends, which isn’t a lot of time considering that having friends reduces our risk of dying. As we get older, we tend to deprioritize friendships, and as we know from regret research, we often lament the time not spent with these special people. I smell opportunity, and I know you do, too.

In some of my workshops, I ask attendees to pull out their phones and go through their contact lists, identifying the people who actively light them up. Most people admit they don’t spend as much time with the “energizers” as they’d like. Who is on your “light me up” list?

Who can you connect with today, even if it’s to make a “let’s get together” date (in person or otherwise)? What drifted friendship might you want to rekindle? Who can you text right now to say something loving, like “I love you,” or “Thinking of you and I’m glad I can call you a friend,” or even just a series of eggplant emojis 🍆?
Do it now. Don’t wait. Life’s too short to let the good relationships languish. Send a text/ email/ handwritten letter/ voice memo. . . . NOW! Or make a phone call if you must. . . . but just don’t FaceTime people out of the blue. That’s grounds for relationship termination, Friendo.