Have you said any of these words lately?

A) “Can you please bring extra aioli for my truffle fries?”
B) “Put all the money in a bag and they’d better be unmarked bills.”
C) “Wow, I didn’t know I needed that!”

If you said A, we are automatically friends; we should go out for all the fries and even more of the red wine together. If you answered B, I have no comment (but I’m dying to know more). C is where this article is heading, so I hope you’ve said something to the tune of “I didn’t know I needed that” lately.

This whole “I didn’t know I needed that” phenomenon could extend to things like…

• Having a huge belly laugh and then saying, “man, I didn’t know I needed that”
• Catching up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and on the way home you think, “wow, I’ve really missed hanging out with her; I should do that more!”
• Participating in some kind of workout—like a rigorous, sweat-inducing run that made you feel like you chased all the problems out of your head, or maybe a stretch class that made you feel like your head and neck and shoulders were no longer a single scrunched-up unit—and then saying, “whoo! I didn’t know I needed that!”
• Getting a great night’s sleep after a long stretch of crappy nights (like what happens when you have an aggressively nocturnal cat in the house, ahem—I’m looking at you, Andy—and then getting one hell of a restorative sleep in a hotel room) … waking up and saying, “I’m a new me! Didn’t know I needed sleep that badly!”
• Learning something new after your brain has gotten a bit stale … like leaving a conference and thinking, “holy cow, I didn’t realize I missed nerding out this much!”
• Contributing in a team meeting in a way that made you feel smart and like you mattered … you might say, “jeez, I wasn’t aware how alive I feel when I add value on my team”
• Helping someone out after a period of inward focus, like volunteering in your town or mentoring an up-and-comer at work … you think, “eureka! I didn’t know how much I needed that feel-good that comes from being generous with others”
• Plotting and executing a practical joke on an unsuspecting friend … feeling like “I need to do so much more of this evil-doing, disguised as a joke! Why haven’t I done this lately?!”
• Activating your spiritual side, like meditating, attending a religious service, praying … you might think, “Oh my God (literally, haha), I’ve needed more of you!”
• Being outside in nature might make you feel inspired, full of awe, and undeniably vital … “why have I been in my indoor cave for so long? How did I not know I needed a nature plug-in?”
• Doing something creative might float your boat—like playing an instrument, coding for a computer program you’re making, sewing a pillow, taking singing lessons … and after picking up the flute again, you might go, “boy oh boy, I didn’t realize how much I needed to create something/ make something with my hands/ express myself in this way”
• Challenging yourself with something that stretched and pushed and pulled your abilities, like re-working the IT process at work, learning how to conjugate verbs in another language, doing the hard crossword … you might say, “I didn’t know how much I missed feeling that sense of accomplishment from figuring tough things out!”
• Having more fun/ spontaneity/ adventure, like pulling off the highway to check out a bizarre attraction, trying the seven-course rutabaga-inspired tasting menu just because, saying Yes to a last-minute invitation, walking on the beach with your bare feet, going on that river cruise … and remarking afterwards, “I had no idea I needed that burst of fun!”
• The list goes on, doesn’t it?

If you’ve had this experience recently (as I did with the whole belly laugh thing, after spending a laughter-filled week with my sister Terri at Rancho La Puerta … where I’ll be presenting again next July 19 – 25, 2025, by the way!), did it strike you how weird it was that you didn’t know what you needed?

Sure, some of us have an *inkling* that we might want to move more/ learn more/ play the pan flute more/ giggle more/ whatever more. But all too often, it’s not until we experience the “xyz” thing that we become aware it had been missing from our lives.

And here is where I want us to take a stand for our lives, for these 4,000-ish Mondays we get to be on the planet. I don’t think it’s good enough to live half-assedly … missing out on things—only to feel slapped in the face when we taste a morsel of the thing we’ve been missing out on the whole damned carcass of enjoying.

The fact I said, “wow, I didn’t know I needed more belly laughs” to my sister on the bumpy bus ride back to the airport was a wake-up call for me. I was asleep at the switch, letting belly-laugh-free days pass me by, because I hadn’t tuned into it as a missing source of joy in my life.

The moral of the story is to get ahead of the curve. What if we sat and reflected on the examples above, then pinpointed things that are currently missing in our lives? To be clear: some things that are missing aren’t that important to us. I’m not weight training right now and although I’d like to be able to do a single pushup (STOP JUDGING), I am definitely not wanting the bench press in my life right now. But more belly laughs? Yes. And so I shall consciously spend more time with people who make me laugh in that hurts-your-abs way. (Hey! That might count as weight training.)

Now that you’ve lasered in on a thing you’d be likely to say, “I didn’t know I needed more of that,” what are you going to do? It’s usually pretty simple. We usually don’t need to quit our jobs, get divorces, move across the country, &/or get boob jobs to be happy.

Nah, for most of us we just need the nudge. Maybe you get a crossword app on your phone. Maybe you set a date for brunch with the friends who make you think. Maybe you book a massage. Maybe you watch blooper reels of your favorite show on YouTube. Maybe you register for that free online class. Maybe you sign up for a soup kitchen shift. Maybe you get a nice long nap in.

What’ll it be for you? What’s one thing you can take action on today, to prevent an “I didn’t know I needed that” tomorrow? For me it’s an order of parmesan truffle fries, sooner than later.