Freud. For a while I just thought he was good for a bunch of oral fixation and penis envy jokes—but I stumbled upon this gem of a quote from the mommy-blamer when I was writing You Only Die Once, and now he’s back in my provisional good books:

“This attitude of ours towards death has a powerful effect on our lives. Life is impoverished, it loses interest, when the highest stakes in the game of living, life itself, may not be risked. It becomes as shallow and empty as, let us say, an American flirtation, in which it is understood from the first that nothing is to happen, as contrasted with the Continental love-affair in which both partners must constantly bear its serious consequences in mind.” –Sigmund Freud

An American flirtation sounds fun (for the night 😏), but we want the Continental love affair with life, do we not? We want the whole darned continent, not just a country! It can help us sweep life up in our arms in a passionate embrace, when we acknowledge that it’s fleeting. Remembering that we’re perishable can help us step up into the Astonishingly Alive zone of life.

Rate your current level of “life flirtation vs. love affair” on a spectrum ranging from a half-hearted wink across the bar (ew), all the way over to a white-hot-flames-of-passion-affair. What would it take to notch it up just half an inch, towards the incandescent bonfire-of-a-Continental-love-affair end of the spectrum?

“Ho ho ho.”

An American flirtation with life looks like: Daydreaming about a road trip to the Jolly Green Giant Statue in Minnesota, and even planning the route while eating a lot of corn.
A Continental love affair with love looks like: Consummating your interest in canned vegetables and actually booking the road trip to see the Green Giant (i.e., blocking the vacation time off work and booking the hotels).

An American flirtation with life looks like: Talking about the interior design business you’ve been wanting to start since 2007, and toying with a cute logo on Canva.
A Continental love affair with love looks like: Letting your friends and family know that you are now accepting clients for interior decorating projects, and that you’d love any referrals they might drum up for you. You even approach that beautiful home décor shop and offer to host a “5 Ways to Refresh Your Living Room” evening event. Talk about living!

An American flirtation with life looks like: Reading and rereading the syllabus for the degree program you’ve been hankering to take, and even downloading the application form.
A Continental love affair with love looks like: Setting aside an afternoon to get your old school transcripts, write the admissions essay, and pressing Send on the program application.

An American flirtation with life looks like: Dating someone you like but keeping them at a distance because you don’t want to get hurt again. Once bitten, twice shy, right?
A Continental love affair with love looks like: Opening up to your partner with vulnerability, knowing that the risk of being let down is worth the risk of being fully committed to love.

An American flirtation with life looks like: Showing up at the gym every Saturday and going through the motions in a workout that makes you feel moderately decent about yourself.
A Continental love affair with love looks like: Registering for that Try a Tri event in you’ve always been curious about, and committing to a training schedule that won’t kill you but will instead make you feel invigorated and proud of yourself for trying the triathlon.

Reflect on the times you felt like you had more sizzle in your life (not [necessarily] for an extramarital affair [!]—but more about that zest for life). What was different then? What was making you feel decidedly alive? What were you so passionate about? How will you know when you’re feeling like your life is more of a Continental affair, instead of just an American flirtation?

Life is too preposterously short to just flirt your way through it. Let’s make the most of your time here before you move on to… bigger and better? Nope, that’s not it. Before you really settle down? Wait, that’s worse.

In true Freudian fashion, we could analyze this slip of the tongue for hidden meaning… or we could just agree to get on out there and have a wild, flames-ablazing affair with our lives.