There’s an implication that comes up when I lovingly brainwash encourage people to LIVE before they die, and it’s not super subtle.

This “mortality as a motivator” message is usually interpreted as a cracking whip to AGGRESSIVELY LIVE LIFE (YES IN ALL CAPS)—to make the most of our limited time in a balls-to-the-wall, breathless, YOLO-t-shirt-wearing kind of way. “Carpe the f out of this diem,” as my favorite pair of socks says on my feet. It’s assumed that our goals have to be big and hairy and audacious to count.

But ALL CAPS LIVING isn’t sustainable for most of us, and many of us quit before we even begin to get off the couch because we’re tired after a long day and a bit scared of what it even means to carpe the f out of our diems. So this is why I’ve made a career out of tempering the Live Large message to suit the majority of us who are inspired by the “seize the day” message… in more of a “seize some of the day” kind of way. I’ve been pedaling the lighter touch, on purpose, because I didn’t want to turn 78% of you off for having to Go Big or Go Home.

In workshops I wrap with a question like, “what’s one decision you need to make about your life today?”. Before people can even start to feel the defeating, crushing pressure to LIVE larger than they can muster (again with those annoying ALL CAPS), I say things like, “some of you might want to make a grand gesture to change your life today” (i.e., the anomalies), “but the rest of us just need to focus on One Small Thing to feel more alive.” An Astonishingly Alive life is within reach! It’s do-able! Goals don’t have to be hairy! Phew… WAX THAT GOAL! Living like we mean it is something we can do starting today—now—with one step forward, and this is a message I fervently believe and will continue to preach until people stop asking me to speak on stages.

Except.

Maybe I’ve over-indexed on the One Small Thing approach.

In my attempt to make living like we mean it approachable, I’ve maybe watered down the message.

I’ve lost the plot a bit on the “Dream Big!” message. Of course I eschew “settling-for-okay-ish” dreams, but have I unwittingly been encouraging us to “Dream Medium” at the expense of an even bigger, juicier life?

The lyrics in a song by The Killers grab me every time:

A small town
Only diesels dance
These streets
Weren’t meant to house
Jet fuel engine dreams

(Okay first of all, let’s all feel collectively sorry for this town where big dreams apparently go to die? I can picture the movie set: tumbleweed blowing through a once-thriving Main Street… a run-down gas station with a despondent-faced attendant who has long-since thrown in the towel on life… don’t get me started on all this anguish.)

Jet fuel engine dreams… they sound enticing, don’t they? Appropriately intimidating. Electric. They’re full of feelings—that potent cocktail of nervousness and excitement and pride and hope and wonder. Jet fuel engine dreams hold such enormous potential and aren’t we all clamoring to become versions of ourselves that go for and sometimes even achieve big things?

Disclaimer! If One Small Thing is more your speed right now, because life is doing its life thing all over you and your years-long dream of moving to Portugal isn’t in the cards right now, that’s a-okay. A+ okay. Keep on One Small Thing-ing it on your path to aliveness. Maybe sign up for weekly email real estate updates for the little Portuguese towns that interest you, just to keep the dream on life support for now.

If you’ve been suspicious about yourself, that you have ginormous dreams inside you but you’ve been contriving your life to avoid them, now might be the time. (I see you sitting over there, you little life-contriver, you. You can’t con a con. I’ve been-there-done-that and in my vast dream-avoidance experience, arranging a busy/ “I’ll do it later” life doesn’t feel good now or later.)

You’re dying—slowly + imperceptibly (I hope), but absolutely + surely—so can I ask what you’re waiting for? You have nothing to lose. Wait, that deserves the all caps treatment: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

Don’t wait for courage and/or confidence because they only show up to the party after you’ve started the journey. They don’t help you pack and get going on the adventure; they’re part of the welcome party when you get off the plane in Portugal with everything you own in two suitcases, for example. You earn the feelings courage and confidence.

Let’s still go for the diesel dreams (or whatever climate-friendly dream-fuel you prefer). Go for small-to-medium endeavors that lead to feelings of vitality, meaning, and aliveness. Join the mastermind group in your industry… host a themed neighborhood soiree… initiate that interesting new project at work… go back to church… take those tambourine lessons… start Pilates… whatever makes you feel like you’re living wider &/or deeper. Small and medium dreams have an important place in our lives; they help us build the muscles required to go after the bigger stuff (while playing the tambourine).

Jet-fuel engine dreams are relative, of course. What feels magnanimous to you might feel measly to someone else, and that’s just fine. If it feels big and important and sizzly and maybe a bit risky &/or sweaty, and like it could lead to a life that you’d be astoundingly proud to live, then that just might be a jet-sized dream. I’ve met people who’ve done the following:

• Gone back to school to become a nutritionist after a 20-year accounting career
• Moved to Austin, with three kids in tow
• Started a non-profit that became international after two years
• Asked for (and snagged!) a work transfer to the London office
• Came out as gay to long-term colleagues
• Registered for, trained, and ran through the finish line of a marathon
• Launched a business (either on the side of a day job, or by quitting the day job altogether)
• Had a kid at 50 after numerous fertility treatments
• Drove across the country on an epic road trip, writing a blog about the best burgers in every state
• Amicably broke up long term relationships in an effort to find real love
• Initiated significant makeovers (cosmetic surgery, image overhauls, getting bangs(!))
• Converted religions
• Started a band that performed at a neighborhood jazz club every month
• Sold the house and adopted that digital nomad lifestyle
• Other? Please share examples of your jet-fuel engine dreams with me at jodi@fourthousandmondays dot com because I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THESE STORIES.

Important note: you don’t have to nail the dream. Success is measured, in large part, by just Going For It. You don’t have to win a Grammy with your garage band; the joy comes from Going For It and playing and learning and screwing up that hard horn part and then figuring it out for next time. The family I knew who moved to Austin didn’t love it! So they moved to Santa Fe a couple of years later and looked at the “pick up and move again” experience as a life adventure.

Is there a big, butterfly-inducing goal on your mind? Have you been delaying it… for any good reason at all? Is now the time to maybe fill up with jet fuel, instead of diesel? Or maybe you set a timeline, like “I’ll launch the business by April 1st?” or “I’ll apply to that program for next fall?”. You can keep pursuing your XS, S, and M dreams along the way. But let’s not get to the end and wish we’d taken a real ride in life… on that dream jet… or even a rocket ship. Wait— should we be talking about ROCKET FUEL DREAMS? Oh geez, there I go, selling us short again. As Norman Vincent Peale said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” Let’s dream into outer space, not just the paltry atmosphere of earth!