Hey look, I don’t know your circumstances. There are lots of reasons why you might need to fake being happy.

• You might be meeting with your boss and you need to look like your job is for sure not stabbing your soul.
• You might run into your ex who says they’re thriving and goddamn it they really do look like they’re thriving.
• You might be incessantly infertile and trying to look well-adjusted in front of your friend who just announced she’s expecting! Again! Yaay.
• You might be down in the dumps and your mother is very visibly hoping to hear that you’re doing “Great!!”.
• You might be boarding a cruise.
• You might be boarding a cruise with relatives.
• You might be kidnapped and you need to convince your captor that you’re a-okay, because if they think you’re okay they might leave you alone for an afternoon which will give you time to pick the lock off your shipping container.

Like I said, I don’t know what you’ve got going on, but we all find ourselves in situations where we need to do a little happiness bamboozling. So when authentic happiness proves inconvenient, science offers practical ways to manufacture the appearance—or occasionally even the beginnings—of it.

16 Ways to Put on the Happiness Dog and Pony Show:

LEVEL ONE: Look Happy

• Smile, but not the “I’m dead inside” smile. You can’t just stretch your lips horizontally like a hostage who’s trying to reassure the press. Happiness requires full facial participation. It’s called the Duchenne smile—you have to engage your eyes and produce crow’s-feet. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to. Make sure your eyes are crinkly all the time on Zoom.
• Wear cheerful clothing. Obnoxious earrings do wonders for making you look chipper. Let festive sweaters do the heavy lifting. Avoid the colors of the German rainbow: black, navy, all the shades of gray. When in doubt, wear something yellow to match the beverage you must carry around with citrus in it. Lemon water = someone is loving life.
• Use “I’m happy, not hostile” body language. What’s the opposite of crossed arms? Hugging arms. Wipe your tears/ that look off your face and make eye contact. So much crinkly eye contact.
• Look convincingly happy in photos. Jumping works, as do poses where you look like a starfish—arms and legs spread in an “I’m so happy to be here” fashion.

LEVEL TWO: Behave Suspiciously Like a Happy Person

• Walk briskly away from your feelings. Everyone thinks people who care enough about their bodies to walk or exercise are happy. Yoga can be a bit depressing so maybe stick to a workout that involves more high fives, like community center volleyball, or lots of hip gyrating, like Zumba.
• Call a friend. The good news about calling people these days is that no one answers… but if you leave a message—one where you aren’t crying—you get credit for looking engaged in the friendship and maybe even happy. Use excessive exclamations points in your texts, too!!!
• Be outside. Outdoorsy people love their lives—it’s almost factual. Casually mention you were in a park—any park—this morning and people will assume you’re full of vitality.
• Play upbeat music, loudly. Unhappy people listen to melancholic music, like that Sarah McLachlan song in the animal abuse commercials. Shut that shit off. Make sure people hear you listening to peppy tunes—the janglier the better. Banjos also create the illusion of happiness.
• Stop acting like an emotionally volatile downer. Don’t let anyone catch you staring out of a rain-streaked window. Stop sighing like you’ve just received disappointing news from the front. Stop sitting alone at parties while slowly removing the label from a beer bottle.
• Do something nice for a change. Happy people are always helping other people out. Perform some kind of random act of kindness for the person you’re trying to convince you’re happy and they’ll forever think you’re high on life.
• Tell everyone about your gratitude journal. In the middle of conversations, pull up your Notes app and pretend to type in something you’re grateful for, even if you’re just adding fabric softener to your grocery list.
• Be with other people, in real life, not just by text. Relationships are what happy people foster, so it stands to reason that if you foster relationships, you will look happy too.
• Savor what’s going on in the moment. Don’t just drink your coffee. Observe your coffee. Inhale your coffee. Thank your coffee for its service. Make everyone else at the café uncomfortable.
• Become a lady or lad of leisure. Go get a hobby and make sure you post carousels of photos on Instagram of you glassblowing. Hobby carousels reek of happiness.
• Share your good news—but not like a braggy asshole. Jubilant people tell others about their wins—it’s called capitalization—whereas downers tell others about their trials and tribulations. And when other people tell you about their good news, be their biggest cheerleaders. Slap on a crinkly Duchenne smile and ask them to tell you all about their fertility journey or whatever.
• Carry sunflowers around. No one in the history of ever has been perceived as miserable while holding sunflowers. You could probably skip all the science-backed stuff above and just do this one thing and everyone will think you’re a total fucking ray of sunshine.

Pretend long enough and you may accidentally experience a small, evidence-based improvement in your mood. Imagine that? Faking it till you make it. Huh.

Hey so I made a video about this post and put it on YouTube! Give it a watch and I hope you giggle (or at least fake giggle).